i thought i was out of cigarettes and got really excited when i found one and then the ember fell out and landed on my penis

bwwwssssshhhhhhhhhh replied to your post: i drank 2 beers and ate another pint of ice cream…

my cat chewed through my stepsisters laptop charger cable and she yelled at her and called her a stupid fucking whore and an annoying little bitch

my cat kicked over my rum and clawed up my leg and I don’t think I said any words just a lot of yelling noises but I would probably call her a lot of bad things if she ate my charger. cats are very difficult.

i drank 2 beers and ate another pint of ice cream because I got upset at myself for yelling at my cat

eating is the only thing i enjoy

i can’t believe godzilla is a horror movie. how is it scary? i don’t think anything’s scary unless it can sneak up and surprise you

8 potatoes, 4 cloves of garlic, 3 sticks of butter

I just made a beautiful pot of mashed potatoes and ate a pint of ice cream while making them

my sexual preferences were shaped, above all, by my introduction to competitive street fighter II at three years old